Hilarious Quotes, Sayings and Jokes collection for share on social networks like Facebook, Twitter and Myspace.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
Why do people say "no offense" when they're about to offend someone?
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
Quentin Crisp
Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that’s really where you wish they were.
George E. Bergman
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Bertrand Russell
Look how often the unexpected happens -- yet we still never expect it.
Ashleigh Brilliant
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Joey Adams
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
Always remember that true beauty comes from within — from within bottles, jars, compacts, and tubes.
Peter's Almanac
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